An open letter to my angel baby.
“You were only carried for a moment. But are loved for a lifetime”.
I miss being pregnant, i miss the feeling of excitement and wonder. I miss fantasizing all day about what you would look like. If you would have my eyes and your dads smile or your dads nose and my smile. I miss picking out names with your dad, wondering if we were painting the nursery pink or blue. I miss laying in my bed with your dads hand on my stomach. Telling you how he would protect and love you, always! I miss the feeling of knowing i was carrying such hope and amazement inside of myself.
I cant help but feel as if ive been robbbed, robbed of so many memories. So many happy days even the bad days. I’ve been robbed of birthdays, Christmases, first steps, first laughs, first smiles. Ive been robbed of everything, ive been robbed of you. You were and are still so loved!
I talk about you still and think about you often. Theres not a day goes by that i dont think of you and what could have been. What we could have been. You’ll live in my heart forever, my little one.
And its so hard because im still not sure which pain is worse. The shock of what happened or the pain of what never will be. I didnt get to meet you, i didnt even get to see you. All i had were 2 simple lines, but they meant the world to me. You meant the world to me!
I once read a quote - “There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes” and ive never heard something more true. My heart aches and yurns for you every single day and it will for the rest of my life.
I carried you every second of your life and i will love you for ever second of mine.
Love always,
Mum.
